Hi guys, happy monday. Wait, do we say that? Or do we say shit monday? Anyways.. I give up!
I need to get this off my chest. And I need to open up just a little to my readers, because I feel like that part I hold back just a little.
Timing is irrelevant when two people are meant for each other. It’s something that I was once told, and I believe truly deep down to my soul. I think we met during a time I was a mess, and I had so much still to figure out. At the time, I felt as if I had it all together but looking back to nearly a year ago I have realized that at the time that we meant it was just bad from the beginning. And I hate to use the word “bad” because it just seems too dramatic, but at this moment… It is the only word that seems to come to mind. But he was there for me, although he had no idea what I was going through at the time. I considered him a strong and powerful person in my life, and for those of you who know me personally you can see where I would have been very hesitant. I don’t allow people to come into my life very often, I fear they are temporary. It’s incredibly difficult for me to understand the word temporary. Why would you want to temporarily be actively involved in someone’s life and have the ultimately power and ability to disappear? It is not fair. And because it is not fair, I cannot control it. I cannot control when someone will voluntarily “choose” to leave my life or why they would ever want to. I hate to put him on “the spot” but at this point, I don’t really care anymore. We’ve been through so much in a short amount of time and although some things were tough, confusing, or full of joy I have learned so much. I have learned so much more about the woman I want to be, the person I am destined to find and when I will find that person. You can’t rush things, especially if you want it to last forever. Two people can meet and timing can be completely wrong, I can test to that.
If you could only have met me now, how different it would really be. How differently our communication, emotions and chemistry would be, keeps me up at night thinking about more often than I want it to. If you could only see how much I have changed, maybe in ways you might not be happy with. But I don’t care. And that’s what is beautiful about the emptiness between us, I have grown tremendously without you in my life. Your absence will not stop me from growing each and everyday. You should really see me now, I think you would be proud. You were so blind, I loved you so very much. I wish you so much happiness and good luck in your future, I want nothing less than the best for you. It is what you deserve.
I have learned from all the mistakes I have made with you, but at the end of the day I just wish I would have made them with someone else.
PS. I hope she makes you happy :)